Saturday, February 2, 2013

Miraculous Change

Something significant has happened...

I'm awake!  The sun is so beautiful and warm.   It hangs in an intensely blue sky.  The breeze is exhilarating and ready to carry me away on my sparkling dream wings...  I'm filled to overflowing with energy and eagerness to FLY!

I've been waiting too long.  I have been waiting for the time to be right, the circumstances to be different.  I've been waiting for permission from others, or from myself.  I've been waiting to change, or for others to change.  I have been waiting for luck, perfection, inspiration - something!  I've been waiting for the fear to go away so I can follow what's in my heart.  I've been waiting for 'one day'.  It feels like I have been waiting for an eternity...

The truth is, what I've been waiting for MIGHT happen if I wait long enough for it.  But, it just might not too.

And what of the time that passes while I wait?  What joy is there in existing?

It comes, it goes. It merges into the grey of each day. It is there...  Its just not as vibrant and all-consuming as it 'should' be.

The past few weeks have brought me change.  Not the change I'd been anticipating.  But change nonetheless.  I've been dealt curve balls from left field.  Things that have shaken my core, challenged me, frightened me, brought me deep sadness.  But ultimately, this change has jolted me to reality.

The miracle here is that the reality I'm in is incredibly exciting, as opposed to the reality that could have been.  The reality I've habitually fallen into in the past when life deals lemons.   Those curve balls could just as easily have sent me into depression, to anger, to wither in fear...  This time, they have not!

I'd be lying if I said those negative emotions didn't cross my path.  But they did not stay with me long.  I most certainly felt them.  I've ached, I've cried, I have hidden them from myself and others, I've had tantrums, the whole gamut.  All of the negative emotion has washed over me.  I realise that I probably will feel them all again, because healing is a process.  It does not just happen.  But I've been blessed this time with the overwhelming miracle of feeling compassion and a sense of what really matters.  I've been filled up with passion to go out and make my dreams into my reality.  Those positive emotions are anchored deeply this time.  They feel like they belong to me and won't be fleeting.

 I've been given freedom to not wait anymore.

1 comment:

  1. Love this post ... it's wonderful when after days, months even years of trying to get it you finally switch on and start living your life to the fullest and seeing the positive ... hurray for you Penny and I can't wait for the next post :)