Tall Towers, MS and Lessons

One week ago I finally did something I have wanted to do for several years now.
I did something good for me, good for others and I WILL DO IT AGAIN!

I climbed this!

Central Park Tower, located in the heart of Perth's CBD.  53 Storeys, 1103 stairs to the top.

I didn't do it alone!  Around 1000 people did the same clime.  Amazing but true! Three women, of those 1000+ individuals mattered most to me on the way up, up, up!  Those 3 were my team, 4MS4MS
(aka 4 Mad Shielas 4 MS)  Their names, Trish, Carolyne and Amanda!

L - R  Trish, Amanda, Carolyne, me and Jodie

If it were not for these wonderful women who were mad enough to join in on my vision to do this, I might not have ever done it, or made it to the top!  It was an incredible experience to be part of this team!  And I will be forever grateful to the lessons I learned last week!

It was around the 10th storey I began mentally chastising myself for not training harder, preparing better.  With every ache in my thighs and huffy-puff of air I took into my lungs, I wished I'd warmed up better, done more climbs of Jacob's Ladder at group training sessions, exercised more in any way shape or form before this day!  I acknowledge that I am by no means fit, healthy or athletic, or ever have been.  I also acknowledge that our sporadic group training efforts and my attendance at yoga class in the weeks prior helped immensely!  But I wasn't ready for the climb on the day.

But even though my legs hurt and my lungs protested, I knew I would get to the top no matter what.  I didn't care how long it took me, or how many breaks I might need along the way.  I knew I would get there eventually.  Of that I was certain...

What I didn't anticipate was the support of my team!  Carolyne and Amanda, despite my repeated insistence to go on and climb and let me do it in my own time, stuck with me and encouraged me to keep on going up! They both could have done it so much faster! But if it were not for them, I would never have made it in the time that I did.  I would have got up to the top, no doubt, but at a much slower pace!  They cheered me on, told me what to do, lead the way and pushed from behind!  In my low oxygenated haze I remember one of the girls saying, "We started as a team, we finish as one!"  How amazing and wonderful is that?  Thank you girls for that lesson!

Unfortunately Trish started a few minutes behind Carolyne, Amanda and I, but she made incredible time and caught up to us!  I'm so proud of her efforts, considering she battled injury in the months prior to the big day!  As we reached the top storey, she caught up with us (I was having a break and "letting her catch up" (That's my story and I'm sticking to it! ;-) and we all crossed the line together!  It was incredible! Even if I did feel like hurling amid my happiness to be at the top!

At the top, we were rewarded with a medal!  I have never in my whole life received a medal for anything! Particularly anything involving physical exertion!  We were also rewarded with a fabulous, albeit cloudy, view of the city!

L - R Carolyne, me, Amanda, Trish.

Another incredible thing I noticed in the journey upward... When people are challenged, when they are striving for a common goal, they band together to support one another, whether they know one another or not.  It was awe inspiring to witness and contribute to the camaraderie of the other climbers!  Strangers cheer one another on, share jokes, words of encouragement, pats on the back...  When on a regular day, going about your everyday business, you might pass these same people in the street and never make eye contact let alone communicate!

I also had the pleasure of witnessing dreams unexpectedly coming true!  My 6 year old son celebrated his birthday just 2 days prior to the climb with a Batman themed party!  He received Batman lego as a gift also...  And who should climb the tower with us?  None other than Batman himself!  He was gracious enough to offer my baby a photo opportunity where Ashton could punch him in the stomach, to which my star-struck baby refused with an off the charts grin!

Batman making Ashton's 6th birthday incredibly memorable!

But why did we do this?  Why would so many people come together to climb one or Perth's tallest buildings?

To raise funds and awareness for Multiple Sclerosis.  The event is aptly known as "Step Up For MS" and is an annual undertaking for the MS Socity of WA.  This year they aimed to raise $200,000 and were no doubt thrilled to have achieved $239,075!  That money will make such a difference to so many people who battle MS daily.

Why did I do this?

Someone incredibly wonderful, dear and precious to me has MS.  His name is Chris and for 9 years now he has headed up a team, VICTORY in the Minnesota Chapter of the MS Society's, Walk MS!  His team has raised $100,000 over the years. He has worked tirelessly to educate, fundraise, create community and make a difference.  And although he despises the word in relation to himself,  his efforts, what he does for the cause, is inspirational... The camaraderie and difference that is made by the collective is inspiring!

But for me, half a world away in Perth, only able to offer moral support, year in and year out... Well, that's been hard.  VERY HARD!  I have wanted so much to be a part of it all.  I've longed to not just be moral support.  I've longed to be cheerleader, to fundraise, to participate, to encourage, to pitch in and do the dirty work that needs to be done to bring a team together and to raise as much money as VICTORY has been able to!  I've wanted to share that team spirit, to experience it.  I have wanted so much to cross that finish line with Chris.

Oceans apart...  :-(

Then a few years ago I spotted the Step Up challenge on the late night news.  Instantly I was drawn in, and just as quickly I was wondering why the hell they didn't just have a walk here too!  Climbing stairs?  Seriously?  Is this what I have to do to be involved?

You're damned right!

Although I'm not the fittest, I dislike physical exertion, sweating and puffing, I was committed to taking part in this challenge.  I was committed to doing what I can to help.  I might not be able to be a part of VICTORY this year (Maybe next!?!)... But I'm part of the fight to make this disease history.  And the discomfort I went through to do the climb is but a drop in the bucket for someone who battles MS every moment of their lives.

When I began, I set myself a lofty goal of raising $500!  I never imagined I would raise that much but I put it out there on my participant page because I needed something to work toward.  In my journal I set my goal to $250, thinking that was far more realistic!

Well boy, was I wrong!!!  Both my private goal and my public goal were blown to shreds!  As soon as I began asking people to consider donating to my efforts, people started responding!  My $500 goal was reached weeks before the climb so I edited it to an even more unimaginable $1103, in an atttempt to make every step I climbed worth $1 for MS!  That too was blown out of the water!  On the day of the climb my personal fundraising total was $1133 and 4MS4MS had reached $1288!  All I had done was ask for people's support!  As they gave, I shed tears of gratitude for their generosity...  Every single donation, big or small, had me teared up!  It was without doubt an amazing feeling to be able to do something like that....   It is heartwarming to know that so many people are good, kind, generous, supportive and helpful.  It is an overwhelming sensation to see that total go up!

I was also overwhelmed by the generosity of my friend Coralie of Rainbow Farm Photography who committed to donating 10% of this month's sales to my fundraising efforts!  What a beautiful thing to do!  So please, check out her page, like it, make a purchase!  April is still not over and Mother's Day is fast approaching!

To every single person who donated, supplied moral support and encouragement, THANK YOU!  To you girls who joined me on this climb, THANK YOU!  You were not just helping me with a personal goal of climbing a tower, or to raise funds for a good cause.  You were helping me be a part of something much much much bigger.  You were helping me be a part of VICTORY and supporting Chris, without actually being a part of that team.  I am very grateful.

I am also now very excited to do it all again NEXT YEAR!!!  Within 2 days of the climb I had set my goals.  I will complete the climb in under 20 minutes (at least 10 minutes faster than this year!) and I aim to raise $3000!

Anyone care to join me?  I am sure Trish, Amanda and Carolyne will be very tempted to do it all again!  But a second team would be amazing!  If I can do it, you can!  Next year I will be Stepping it up for Step Up!  LOOK OUT!  I can do more and I will do it better!

My participant page is still available and ready for donations should you be called to do so.  Otherwise I would be so honoured if you would donate to Chris on his Walk MS participant page.  Team VICTORY will walk on May 5th!  I shall be walking with them in spirit as I do every year.

My lessons in a nutshell...
"Train harder and more consistently"
"Team mates are important!"
"Other's can drive you to do better than you thought you ever could"
"Persistence pays off"
"Community makes things happen"
"Common goals and challenges bring community together"
"Expect miracles"
"Dreams do come true"
"There is so much good in the world"
"Fundraising is a very humbling experience"
"Asking for support isn't always easy, but its important"
"I can make a difference"
"I climbed that bastard!"
"Goal setting is key"
"Learning from experience can only make things better"
"Being a part of something is an incredible feeling"
"Its lovely to have people proud of my efforts, particularly my loved ones.  Thank you!"
"Doing this climb was like giving birth.  Exciting, painful and as soon as you're done you begin contemplating the next one!"

Finding A Missing Mojo!

Last week I feel in a heap.  All the zip and zing I had in my veins just seeped out overnight.  I was left flat and idle, wishing I knew what to do to get it back...

I did what "they" tell you to do.  I listened to my body.  I slept.  I ate sugar. I took great pains to move despite my lack of enthusiasm.  I didn't eat sugar...  Well none of that helped!  I prompted myself with lists.  I tried to bribe myself into action.  All I got for my efforts was 'blah' and overwhelm.

So yesterday I approached things differently.  

Yesterday I set my goal to do one load of laundry.

While it was in the washing machine I vowed to hang it out when it was done.  

While hanging it out, I decided I'd do one more load.

While it was washing, I decided that I had to fold what I washed so that I had room for the second load on the washing line.  I decided I didn't want to deal with socks and stuffed them in a pile for later.  :-)

As I hung the second load, I decided I'd poke my head into my "games room" and decide on ONE thing I could do in there.  (My games room is a huge source of overwhelm as it is the central collection point for all things 'junk' in my home.  Its chaos.  But I also have high hopes of it becoming my creative space.  :-)  

So my laundry hung I dare to open the door and I decide I can move a crate of stuff out of the corner to make space for something else.  I moved the crate.  Then I left.

I dillydallied for a while.  Then I decided I would re-enter the games room and relocate the item I wanted in the corner.  I did so, then left.

I bathed my children, and while I did so, I decided I would free the fridge from left overs for our dinner!

My day progressed in this manner.  Doing only the next indicated task and making one decision at a time.  Sometimes that decision was a task in itself so I stopped there, knowing that when I had the next little urge or energy fluctuation, I had a plan!  So although by sunset my day was not filled to the brim with amazing achievement, it was not a waste.  My energy was still low but I'd done something despite it. I'd taken one little action after another and another and another. 

My babies went to bed and so did I.  

I woke in the wee hours.  I've been doing this a lot lately.  My brain switches on when I should be sleeping and I lay there thinking about all those "should's" and "haven't yet's" that are on my to do lists.  I start to guilt myself for all the things I "could" be doing instead of trying to sleep, since I'm obviously awake...  

What I usually do is get out of bed, run a lovely hot bath and soak in the tub with my notebook and pen, intending to write lists and 'get myself together'.  But instead I find myself messing about on the iPhone (Yes, I know you shouldn't use your IPhone in the bath, but I do!  :-p) and later, as we get toward sunrise, I begin the mental battle of "do I get out of the bath and study?" or "do I get out of the bath and get some exercise!"  BOTH are pressing issues for me at present.  I've fallen behind (typically) with my study and I have not done nearly enough training for the Step Up For MS challenge that I am signed up for!  

PLEASE SUPPORT ME!

The silly thing is, by the time I've decided what to do, its getting close to the time my kids need to be up for school and I'm TIRED!  So I sneak off to bed for a few minutes rest before the alarm goes off, vowing I'll study and exercise in the afternoon!  WHAT A JOKE!  It never happens.

But this morning when I woke in the wee hours... I didn't fall into the same trap of most mornings.  This morning I applied my method of one decision at a time.  I ran the bath, washed my hair and body and decided I'd play on the phone for a while.  Then I decided I'd read a chapter of my textbook.  Then I decided that I'd read another.  Then I decided to get out and get ready for my day.  :-)

Today was one of those days where things run smoothly.  The kids were dressed and eating breakfast with their shoes on with no effort at all.  So I decided, since I was on a roll of deciding things, to get my dishwasher running.  I decided to start loading the washing machine after that.  I decided to head back to the games room and move one more item to where I want it to be!  By this time it was time to take my boys to school.  

Now by this point, since I will have been awake for several hours, I was losing my puff.  My snuggly bed was calling my name.  But I decided to push through and go to my yoga class.  I'm so glad I did!  When it was over I was energised.  I didn't need to drag myself off to volunteer at the school play group  like I feared I might have to.  In fact I even got into the sandpit and played with the kids for a bit!  We sang and had fruit and when it was done, I walked/JOGGED home.  

And now I'm feeling like I've got it back again...  I've relocated my mojo!  Whooohooo!

I'm not feeling overwhelmed or low on energy now.  I'm feeling productive and inspired to keep doing more!  And I did do more!  I found my son's library book whilst tidying my desk.  He'd left it behind this morning so I walk/jogged to school again to give it to him in time for his class's turn at visiting the library.  :-)  Yay Mama!

I've been thinking...  When you exercise, you reach a point where you're tired or starting to hurt, but you're not at the end of the workout yet.  You just have to go steadily and keep mentally telling yourself you can do it.  Just one more step.  Just one more after that.  And another one.  You can do it! One more lunge, one more step...  Until you're done.  And when you're done you feel amazing!

Well finding my mojo has been just like that.  A whole series of one step after the next. Not focusing on anything else but the next task.  One bite of the elephant at a time. All I had to do was just push on through that difficult patch to get back into the feel good zone!!!

Perfect Neglect

My poor little baby blog... Neglected so soon!  I'm so sorry, sweet one!

LOL

My neglect has not been intentional, I promise!   My neglect is the product of three issues.

ISSUE A
I have too many dreams on the boil and not enough time in the day to focus on them all!

ISSUE B
Life has been crazy busy!  The kiddlywinks are back at school, my husband started a NEW JOB, and we're in a juicy state of chaos!  Hopefully, we'll find a pattern to it all soon and fall into our regular serving of chaos!

ISSUE C
I am a perfectionist!

It is ISSUE C that ALWAYS HOLDS ME BACK!

You know my first post on this blog about not waiting anymore to do what I want to do?  LOL  Well... it still applies!  But the enemy of that attitude for me is PERFECTIONISM!

Now I don't mean the type of perfectionism that is depicted by show home living spaces, straight A grades, every single I dotted, T crossed and manicured nails and salon styled hair each day.  Far from it!

I'm afflicted with the other variety of perfectionism.  The type that can render me motionless - completely imcapacitated from the brain down.  The type that sees me leave things until tomorrow, or when the children go to bed or any other procrastinatory notions! My head will whirr and buzz and I can see and taste and feel what I want to achieve.  BUT...  That big big BUT...

If I can't do it right, first time, there's no point starting at all right now.

Crazy thinking isn't it?  I know it is.

In real terms, it means that if I can't clean a room from skirting boards to cornices, I won't do it right now (at all).  Or if I can't come up with the opening line of an essay, I'll write the whole thing later.  I'll leave a creative idea to fester in the darkness of my mind because I don't know the skills/have the tools/time to bring it to life right now.  I even stagnate on the sofa rather than go for a quick walk to the park because its less than a kilometre and will take me longer to put my shoes on than actually walk!  I tell myself that if its not going to take me at least half an hour and cover at least 3 kilometres, that it is not worth getting off my behind for!

Madness!!!

It drives me crazy!  Fixing a lifelong mindset is hard work!

All I can do is keep on calling myself on the madness and trying to correct it.  I can keep on saying things to myself like "near enough is good enough" and "just get it out there" and "you can't ever get it right if you don't ever get it started".  Sooner or later, I hope, I'll believe those words and never procrastinate over getting it right and done first time ever again! Until then, all I can do is keep on talking over the defective baseline in my noggin.

So issues A and B will sort themselves out over time.  I'm working on lists and setting goals and formulating projects for making things happen.  My family are adjusting to new schedules and jiggling logistics.  That will slot into place soon enough.  But Issue C...  LOL That one needs constant attention.

So there is my excuse for neglecting my baby blog.  It most certainly isn't that I lost interest.  I just haven't been able to write what I wanted, when I wanted to, in a manner that made me feel ok about anyone reading it!  I prefer to settle into inaction when doing things for my family, myself or my friends.  Doing something that is sitting out in the pixellated ether is that much harder!  Its got to be perfect because "someone" might read it, right?

The fear of judgment.  (Another topic for another day perhaps?)

Well someone might read it.  And if they like it they'll keep reading and the message, as imprecise, grammatically malfunctioned and lacking in finesse, will (hopefully) get through.  And if not, WHO CARES!  Really?  There are a zillion other blogs out there to go read!

What really matters most, to me, is that I will have gotten what's on my mind, out into the open.  I'll be set free from it buzzing inside my cranium.  I'll be rewarded with knowing that I did something perfectly imperfect.

Thumbing my nose at perfectionism & procrastination!
"You both lost this round!" :-p

love
Penny

Lessons from Every Day Rituals.

Inspiration can come from anywhere!

Today, for me, it came from a blog post, penned by the gorgeous Silvia De Vries and published by the  magnificent Pepi Valderrama on her blog.  The article was entitled The Healing Rituals of Everyday Life.

Silvia suggested an exercise in mindfulness, by either writing down or photographing every day activities.  The idea caught my attention as I've been endeavouring to be more present recently.  Simply trying to pay attention to the here and now, rather than existing and missing the beauty of the moment, whilst letting my mind wander aimlessly to the past and future with it's endless to-do list

So, I took on the challenge.

I learned an awful lot about myself, my home, my family...  Some wonderful things.  Some that surprised me.  And some, that unfortunately I'm not happy to learn!  But now that I have, I can work on  righting the wrongs, as I feel them to be.

Here is an account of my day in photographs.

So what did I learn?

• HOUSEHOLD: I have WAY TOO MUCH laundry!  But I got on top of it simply because I was being mindful to document my progress throughout the day.  

• HOUSEHOLD: Taking photographs of every day activities made me very aware of what I need to tidy up around my home!  As I went to take pictures, I'd think to myself, "Ugh, don't want that in the background!"  So now I have a mental list of to-do's to add to the already on paper list of to-do's.

• PHOTOGRAPHY: As a consequence of the above, I began working on camera angles that did not highlight what I prefer not to be seen...  Call me sneaky - I don't mind! :-)

• SELF CARE: I forget to eat!  And when I do remember to eat, I was so consumed by the process of eating, I forgot to take pictures of those moments.  You missed out on the awesome lasagne we had for dinner tonight!  Sorry!  And no, they are not sticks in my yogurt!  They are some kind of fibre crunchy thing that is actually quite tasty!

• TIME MANAGEMENT: Even though I was being mindful of my every day activities, I still 'lost' an awful lot of time during my day.  You know, those moments where we get to surfing the web for an answer to a question that should take 5 minutes at most, but ends up taking us three quarts of an hour!  Oops!  Or when you sit down for a rest and suddenly half an hour has passed.

• SELF CARE: Cat naps in the day time are fabulous!  I managed about 20 minutes and felt so much better for it!

• FAMILY: My dog is lazy!  Except when I forget to feed her.  She reminded me as I was putting the children to bed!

• FAMILY: My oldest son has a loose tooth!  Exciting!  

It was a wonderful exercise to do.  It kept me on task for much of the day and I achieved a lot.  Possibly more than I usually would.  But I'm also left with the awareness that I could have achieved a lot more!  

Oddly enough while I was folding my laundry today, I listened to a podcast talking about making the best use of your weekends (or any free time).  It wasn't planned.  I just picked something to listen to from my podcasts and that's what came up.  Nothing like a bit of synchronicity to hone in a concept!  You can find the podcast here.  The podcast is by Kimberly Wilson and is an interview of Laura Vanderkam, author of the What The Most Successful People do series of ebooks.  

Tomorrow is another day...  I'm taking my lessons from today and running with them!

Miraculous Change

Something significant has happened...

I'm awake!  The sun is so beautiful and warm.   It hangs in an intensely blue sky.  The breeze is exhilarating and ready to carry me away on my sparkling dream wings...  I'm filled to overflowing with energy and eagerness to FLY!

I've been waiting too long.  I have been waiting for the time to be right, the circumstances to be different.  I've been waiting for permission from others, or from myself.  I've been waiting to change, or for others to change.  I have been waiting for luck, perfection, inspiration - something!  I've been waiting for the fear to go away so I can follow what's in my heart.  I've been waiting for 'one day'.  It feels like I have been waiting for an eternity...

The truth is, what I've been waiting for MIGHT happen if I wait long enough for it.  But, it just might not too.

And what of the time that passes while I wait?  What joy is there in existing?

It comes, it goes. It merges into the grey of each day. It is there...  Its just not as vibrant and all-consuming as it 'should' be.

The past few weeks have brought me change.  Not the change I'd been anticipating.  But change nonetheless.  I've been dealt curve balls from left field.  Things that have shaken my core, challenged me, frightened me, brought me deep sadness.  But ultimately, this change has jolted me to reality.

The miracle here is that the reality I'm in is incredibly exciting, as opposed to the reality that could have been.  The reality I've habitually fallen into in the past when life deals lemons.   Those curve balls could just as easily have sent me into depression, to anger, to wither in fear...  This time, they have not!

I'd be lying if I said those negative emotions didn't cross my path.  But they did not stay with me long.  I most certainly felt them.  I've ached, I've cried, I have hidden them from myself and others, I've had tantrums, the whole gamut.  All of the negative emotion has washed over me.  I realise that I probably will feel them all again, because healing is a process.  It does not just happen.  But I've been blessed this time with the overwhelming miracle of feeling compassion and a sense of what really matters.  I've been filled up with passion to go out and make my dreams into my reality.  Those positive emotions are anchored deeply this time.  They feel like they belong to me and won't be fleeting.

 I've been given freedom to not wait anymore.