Saturday, January 4, 2014

Goodbye 2013!

My family
And just like that... It is 2014!

I feel like I blinked and missed the end of 2013!  What happened???

Whatever!  I am here now, and it is time to wrap up the old and ring in the new!

For the most part 2013 was SPARKLING!  Just as I intended it to be!

But oh boy, 2014... You had better watch out!  I have plans for you!  You are going to be huger, exquisite and more luminous than 2013 ever was!  Mostly because 2013 taught me so much! I now know the power that I have make it so!  And I can't wait to wield that power over you, my pretty 2014!

In years prior to 2013 I didn't feel I had much power at all.  I was managing life with, or recovering from postnatal depression.  My husband was assaulted at work and became unemployed as a result of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  He then experienced his own dark nights of depression.  Life really was a struggle for many many years.  I went from disaster to disaster, moment to moment.  I existed rather than lived.  And existing didn't have any real colour to it besides grey, and greyer.

I searched so many times for a way out of my existence.  I desperately wanted to colour in all the spaces and really feel whole again.  Or was it, really feel ME again?  whatever "me' was.  It had been so long I had no clue about that!  But searching for a way out was so hard.  From time to time I would encounter a wonderful light beam of knowledge in author, a webinar, a visionary, sometimes even my friends. But in the end, they were just pinpricks of light breaking through the thick blanket of grey hanging over my family and me.

Then, in January of 2013, a miraculous health scare occurred.  I am already legally blind. I have been since birth.  But suddenly my eye appeared 'different' to look at.  A thick white arc was visible through in my pupil.  I knew that my lens was a little dislocated back in high school.  But as that didn't affect my sight, it didn't really affect my life.  But now, the question was out there... What if it dislocated entirely?

Not knowing anything about such things, because I never needed to, the wait to see my ophthalmologist was a little daunting.  It took 4 months.  During that time, I wondered just what my already poor sight disintegrating into nothing, could mean for me?  One thing for sure, I was scared.  I feared not losing my sight, for I know many 'blind' people (blinder than my legally blind status) and they get along just fine. I am aware of incredible technologies and aids to help daily living.  I am already a user of audio books, can read braille and use a white cane... But what I did fear was losing access to photographs, being able to see my children's faces, the independence of reading just about anything without total dependence on aids or others, losing the dream of 'seeing' the colours of fall in Canada... So many things that real blindness would steal from me... If it was to be my future.  Was it?

Well in April of 2013 I found out from my dear ophthalmologist that no, I was indeed not going to go 'blind'.  In fact my dislocated lens was already slipped so far out of the path of sight that I wasn't even using it!!! Who knew?

Well, me... NOW!  :-)

But, during those months of not knowing, I rode the emotional roller coaster of 'what if?'  Tears, tantrums, sleeplessness, anger, questions and gratefully a miraculous RESOLVE!  I decided that if my sight was to suffer more then I'd go all out and do as much as I could while I had what I had!  Why not?  What was there to lose, besides opportunities?

So with this mindset I tackled 2013 with my word SPARKLE to live by!  I think I did rather well...

My highlights...

  • I participated in the Step up for MS. I raised $1133 for the event!
  • I took up belly dancing! I even performed on stage! (Now if a belly dance costume doesn't sparkle, I don't know what does!)
  • I got brave and started THIS BLOG! Although it is humble, it is here!
  • I gave yoga a try and loved it!
  • I undertook the training to become a Lifeline Telephone Crisis Supporter.
  • I bought myself a sparkly new bicycle and plucked up the courage to ride it! (It had been about 15 years since I had been on a bike!)
  • I wrote an article that was published in an online magazine! (Depepi Magazine)
  • We had family photographs taken by Rainbow Farm Photography!
  • Finding colour and joy in raising my children became easier.
  • I regained control of a large gaping personal flaw that was holding me back... (For now this flaw will remain nameless except to say that it's colour is a ugly shade of green. I may write about it one day... I may not...)
  • I became the mama of 3 little bunnies
  • We visited my family for New Year, I saw my Nanna. (<3 my Nanna!)
  • Redecorated our living area.

I am pretty proud of my achievements!

I believe, I would have had a successful year regardless of the threat to my sight and the resulting mindset shift.  I was already in the process of a shift before we noticed anything was wrong.  

Shimmy on!
My Fantastic Step Up For MS Team!
In the middle of 2012, whilst searching for a way out of my bleak life, I encountered Leonie Dawson of the Amazing Biz and Life Academy, one of those pinpricks of light shining through the gloom.  I signed up to the academy because a friend was, and because there was a special on... LOL what other reason does one sign up to things for when they are in perpetual gloomsville?  My membership sat for months untouched.  Then I decided to get involved in a 'circle'.  A forum of like-minded women from all over the world, in very different circumstances.  But it was a blessing to me.  Everyone was very encouraging and the group was relaxed and comforting.  And we all decided to undertake Leonie's Create Your Amazing Biz and Life Workbook and Calendars together!  It was inspiring to dream as a collective rather than as an isolated unit.  It really was!

Much of what I desired to achieve and my intention to do it in a way that SPARKLED was already in place.  The issue with my vision gave me the final push to make it happen!

Bunny & Rosie
But now... as I sit in the first few days of 2014 I feel so much more confident and certain that I can make miracles happen in my life.  I will do more, see more, be more... I know now that I do not have to cower to my old fears. I can stand up to them, face them and even raise the bar and make them more of a delicious challenge than let them devour me!  

2014... Bring it!!!  I am ready. I am willing and I am able!

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